“I could count a million times people asking me why I can praise you with all that I have gone through. The question just amazes me how circumstances could possibly change who I forever am in You. Maybe since my life was changed long before these rainy days it has never really crossed my mind—to turn my back on you Lord the only shelter from the storm. So I pray bring me joy bring me peace bring the chance to be free bring me anything that brings You glory, I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that is what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain” Mercy Me, “Bring The Rain”
It’s just water. But water, “water can make cowards of us all”.
Rain brings life. Rain takes life. Rain comforts. Rain frustrates.
It’s raining. It has been raining for a long time. I have learned to identify the drops; the drops that threaten to take me out of the game from the ones that help my game.
But I want it to stop raining. Just for a little bit. I want to see the sun, I want to feel the warm breeze of euphoria for just a little bit. Maybe just a minute. And then it can start raining again.
This song by MercyMe has long been one of my favorite songs. As I am waving my arms through the last fog of writers block, this song and this season of my life continues to bounce around in my head-and if history has taught me anything, when this happens, I know I need to write it. Often at this point, I have no idea what I want to write, but at the intersection of surrender and gratitude, the keyboard seems take over the job.
As I get older I am learning that I really do desire structure, and much of my energies are spent on the search for and the ascension to solid ground. The current season of my life seems determined to teach me that solid ground is not a place but a Person. I realize that what I really seek is Peace, but again, age is teaching me that all of the things I think brings Peace are merely keeping me from the Giver of the life giving rains I am not digging at the moment.
I am cold. I am scared. And then I merely hear:
Exhausted, I find myself evaluating everything. Do I want Jesus to bring the rain? Is that my prayer? Do I believe He is my only Shelter from the storm? Can I continue to praise Him after all that I have gone through?
I began this year determined to be present over perfect. I was determined to seize the day. I was determined to put my phone down, close my lap top, and have actual conversations with people. The year of 2018 was to be my “You Only Live Once Year.”
As it seems, my enthusiasm for my YOLO year was met by opportunities to learn that every single moment is to be cherished. Not different from many endings to the years of my life, I end this year with a significant loss of life as my stepson Kevin died of a drug overdose after being clean for over a year. The memory of every single cold wait in a room surrounded by beeping machines at Mayo Clinic reminds me to seize the day. And the fading memory of a giant in my life makes me drop everything and just be.
This trifecta of opportunities to re-evaluate everything I ever thought to be true has landed me grateful for two precious promises.
He NEVER changes. He will NEVER leave me.
Memories of His faithfulness flood my tired mind and broken heart as I know He will continue to be faithful to do it again. The rain sometimes clouds my ability to see His hand or feel His presence in my chilly world. But I can’t do this life without Him. As I seek His shelter, I beg for Grace to trust Him more.
Because the rain isn’t going to stop. It may look different, but the rain isn’t going away. And I realize my choices are limited, I praise Him in the storm or I get beat down by it. And because He is the ultimate rain maker, I prefer His shelter from the storm He knows best.
I am still cold. I am still tired.
But if the rain is what it takes to praise Him,
Jesus Bring The Rain.
But please walk with me.