“You have to give a little history when you say something like that”
I turned and looked at my friend, and I knew she was right. The days of talking “around” my story are over. Since those ill fated days of pills, black eyes, broken noses, ruptured ear drums, concussions and abandonment, I am a new person. Sometimes I don’t even recognize that person when I look in the mirror. Finally, I believe in the Hope that He will and is “making all things new”.
As my friend’s words sunk in and I began telling parts of my story, I experienced an emotional reaction to my story that I’d never felt before. Chills started from the top of my head and threatened to take over my entire body; chills that matched the snowy spring day, and for a second I had second thoughts about continuing. As I continued, tears began to fill my eyes, tears that I rarely shed because I’d managed to emotionally disconnect from the pain; until now. As the words come out of my mouth, I became more and more convinced of the faithfulness of God and the Hope that has been there all along.
After that brief recap of my story, my heart and mind simply leapt with the possibilities of finally understanding real Hope, and that it has sustained me thus far. I don’t have to understand the “WHY’s” of my life, but I do want to constantly seek understanding of this Hope that has carried me thus far and will continue to carry me until the ultimate Hope is realized. That day will come until there is no more pain and no more tears.
While writing this series, I have struggled to understand and grasp this concept of Hope because honestly, most of the time it “feels” hopeless, even given the clear faithfulness of God thus far in my life. During this series of writing, He has used both music and His word to drill in my head that my Hope is in Him; I am in Him and that while life is hard, He is good. I’ve spent the majority of my life claiming Him as great, but I have struggled to call him GOOD. But, He is good, and while the world may disagree, He has never failed me yet.
This song, written and performed by Elevation Worship, is on repeat on my phone. I play it over and over and you can find the words “Never Failed Me Yet” written all over my house from sticky notes on the fridge, to index cards taped to my computer to my shower doors after the steam provided me with an open canvass to converse with Him.
“Walking around these walls, I thought by now they’d fall, but You have never failed me yet. Waiting for change to come, knowing the battles won, for You have never failed me yet. Promise still stands, great is Your faithfulness. Still in Your hand, this is my confidence that You have never failed me yet..”
“Jesus, You are still enough, keep me within Your Love, my heart will sing Your praise again.”
If there is ever a Bible verse that I doubted it was this one. However, during this quest to understand Hope, He has drilled it in my head.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love” Romans 8:31-38 (NIV)
And I finally believe it. We have every reason to look forward to Hope with great anticipation because He has sustained me with it all this time, as He will continue to do the same. Paul understood this Hope. He understood it when he was shipwrecked. He understood it when he lived with his actions of killing Christians. He experienced it on the road to Damascus. He definitely understood it in prison. And finally, He understood it when the time would come that he would die because he clung to the only thing that will never fail, not him and not us.
Hope. It came at a heavy price, most of us will celebrate our lives in Him as we remember the cross this Easter. Thank you Jesus for a Hope that saves us and that sustains us; even when we do not understand.
“I have seen You move the mountains, and I believe I will see You do it again, You made a way when there was no way”
Thank you Jesus.